Forgiveness is one of the most beautiful but sometimes most difficult things Jesus asks of us. In the Gospel, Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?” Jesus responds, “Not seven times but seventy-seven times.”
But what does forgiveness actually mean? Sometimes we struggle to forgive because we think forgiveness requires us to pretend that nothing happened. Forgiveness does not mean saying, “What you did was okay.”
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. We may remember the wound, but we choose not to use that memory as a weapon of revenge. Forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences. Justice and forgiveness can exist together. Someone may still need to take responsibility for his or her actions. Forgiveness does not mean immediately trusting someone again. Forgiveness can be offered freely, while trust may need to be rebuilt over time. Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to hurt us again. Setting appropriate boundaries is not a lack of forgiveness. And finally, forgiveness does not mean that the pain disappears immediately. We can forgive and still be wounded. Healing often takes time and prayer.
If there is someone you are struggling to forgive, try this simple practice this week. First, name the wound before God. Tell Jesus honestly what happened and how it hurt you. You do not have to hide your anger or your pain from Him. Second, pray for the person; not because you approve of what happened, but because you are choosing to release that person into God's hands. You might simply pray: “Jesus, I place this person in Your hands. Bless him/her and heal my heart. Help me to forgive as You have forgiven me.” Third, when the memory returns, refuse to rehearse the offense. Instead of replaying the hurt or talking about the person, return to the same prayer.
If appropriate and safe, take a step toward peace; perhaps a conversation, a phone call, an apology, or simply deciding to stop speaking negatively about that person. Forgiveness is often not one dramatic moment. It is a decision we may have to make repeatedly until the wound no longer controls our heart. We forgive not because the offense was insignificant, but because Christ has forgiven us.
May the mercy we receive from Christ become the mercy we extend to our families and everyone God places in our lives.
God is good, all the time!
Father Tony Udoh, MSP Pastor of Holy Family
